sabremeister | HS&S:WT Short

Pancake Day

"Pancakes!"

"Pancakes?"

"Pancakes."

"What's the occasion?"

"I wanted pancakes."

Baltim rolled his eyes and let his cousin get on with ceremoniously putting a plate piled high with pancakes on the table before sitting down and tucking in.

"Any particular reason why you wanted pancakes?" he asked.

"I wyk pabkaes," Washin managed.

"Try swallowing before you answer."

Washin did so. "I like pancakes."

"I can tell - you must have nearly thirty piled up on that plate."

"Something like that, yeah."

"Where did you get the ingredients?"

"Where you normally get eggs, flour, milk and butter from."

"So, out of the arse of a chicken, the tits of a cow, the leavings from the bakery, and the curdled stuff from the dairy?"

Washin nodded happily and continued eating.

"You actually went and did all that, didn't you? You didn't actually go to a farmer and ask to buy some, or a milkmaid, or a baker, did you?"

Washin looked up at his cousin. "I'm skint," he said, shaking his head before resuming chewing.

"Well, I hope you enjoy your pancakes made with ingredients that no one else wanted. And I also hope that you're still able to walk in the morning."

"I'ww bve foin!"

"You won't be fine, Washin, you'll be sick. Half those ingredients are bad for you, and the other half are supposed to havbe things done to them before people eat them."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Like washing, or sieving."

"Sieving?"

"Yeah, to get the rat droppings out."

"Meh, the flour hadn't been there long enough for the rats to get at it."

"Rats are really quick when it comes to bakeries and so on."

"Well, I didn't find any when I got it, and I didn't notice any when I was making the paaan-caaaaakes!"

Baltim rolled his eyes again. "To get enough stuff to make thirty pancakes, you must have had to cart around a full bucket and a couple of sacks. You can't tell me no-one noticed you lugging it all around?"

"What would they do if they did?"

"You mean you think no-one would stop you if you walked around with what was obviously a stolen gallon or two of milk?"

"No one did!"

"Ugh. Fine, you somehow managed to purloin the necessary ingredients for thirty pancakes straight from the source, and no-one stopped you."

"That's right!"

"So now you're scoffing down thirty pancakes made from stuff that the baker, some milkmaids, and a heggler didn't want, not to mention the rats. Your funeral. Just don't come running to me if you've got the shits in the morning, or are puking your guts up." He turned to go, then stopped. "Actually, really don't come anywhere near me if you're puking or shitting. Got that? Get in the privy and get it all out before you come anywhere near me."

"Got it!" Washin waved with a rolled-up pancake, and stuffed it happily into his mouth.